


Hard Feelings

by LoversSpit400



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, I just broke up and I'm sad, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23669173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoversSpit400/pseuds/LoversSpit400
Summary: Steve and Billy had being dating ever since Starcourt, but reality is more complicated than it seems.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Hard Feelings

Billy and Steve have been dating ever since a few months after Starcourt. Billy had left the hospital after an almost 3 months stay, time when the doctors waited for his wounds to heal and for his body to recover. 

As soon as he was out and the firsts steps towards freedom and a new kind of normal were taken, he saw himself amongst a complete new and amazing support system, something he thought he would never have. Max had been taken care of him in the hospital, almost never leaving his side, she really looked like a watchdog sometimes, always ready to defend him against anything and anyone. Some of the kids were there as well, even though Mike and Dustin were more distance from him, they were still there - sometimes. 

Eleven knew all his dirty secrets, past and deepest fears, that scared him more than anything, but with time, he was able to accept that. 

But Steve. Steve was a whole different story. Steve had visited him in the hospital, had made him laugh, had helped him pass the time, had talked to him and actually heard him whenever he said he couldn’t do that anymore. Most of the people just told him that he could, that he had whatever it takes to become a better person even after everything that had happened, but not Steve. Steve had understood what that meant and instead of lying to him, seeing some kind of grandiosity in him, he just said  _ “I think you have plenty of reasons for wanting to give up now, but can you hold on just for tonight?” _

And that was it for Billy. He knew he had fallen in love right there, on a hospital bed, while he cried his eyes out. 

Their first kiss was unsure and Steve hesitant, but he still he kissed back. Whenever Billy held his hand, Steve would have a strong grip on it. They would watch movies and Billy would lay on Steve’s worn out couch in the apartment he shared with Robin, Steve would run his hands through Billy’s hair, steal glances and kisses. 

They would drive out of town and sit on the roof of Steve’s car and watch the stars shining above them, sometimes they took things a little too far, and Billy couldn’t help but get drunk on the sounds Steve made while he was touching him, while their bodies fit perfectly on one another, like they were meant to be together. Once they were done, Steve would be a little distant, but Billy could barely notice as he came down out of the clouds Steve would put him into. 

It went on for months, 10 months to be exact. Billy had moved out, but still didn’t share a place with Steve, even though they lived close enough and Billy would spend most of his time with Steve. 

Steve would tell Billy how worried he was of people finding out about them and Billy would try to reassure him, but he knew that Steve’s fears were valid. He had lived his whole life in Hawkings, everyone knew him, he had a reputation that had been destroyed, sure, but he had something in there. Ties, friends and family that could be ruined as soon as someone saw how Billy looked at him, how they stole little moments when no one was watching. 

So, when in public, they were always very far. Whenever they went to parties, they wouldn’t even look at each other sometimes, sometimes a polite “hi” and “hey” was exchanged and that was it. Billy would look at the other couples dancing and having fun on the dance floor and curse them for having what they couldn’t. He would get drunk whenever he saw someone coming closer to Steve and he knew pretty well that he couldn’t do anything to stop them, for everyone else Steve was single and straight. So he only could rely on trust. 

Once they were both drunk, or at least Billy was. Billy had given up appearances a few time ago and made his way towards Steve who was sitting with Robin and some others on the front door of someone’s house. 

Billy came from behind and wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso, pulling him close while he hid his face on Steve’s neck, smelling the cologne and the beer on his boyfriend. At that moment, everyone’s breath caught up, Robin looked wide eyed at them and Steve was without a reaction, but only for a moment. 

Steve got up in a jump, making Billy take a step back. He turned around to see Billy's surprised face and in a move he shoved Billy, pushing him even further. 

“What the hell man?” Steve said, voice high. 

“I-” Billy tried to find the words to defend himself without outing him or Steve, he felt everyone’s eyes on him, waiting for his excuse, including Steve’s. From all the looks he was receiving, Steve's face was the one who hurt the most, Billy could see he wasn’t acting like he was mad about what Billy had done, he was mad. Tears came into his eyes and all he could come up with was a simple “Sorry, man. Confused you with a girl.” 

He left before he could see anyone’s reaction to it, before he could see Steve’s reaction. He heard noises, Robin’s voice, he heard a laugh followed by others. They were laughing at him, making fun of him, probably calling him names. Steve’s laugh was the one he could recognize in the middle of the chaos. 

When he came home, he didn’t even know how, he took a shower and threw himself on the bed, crying his heart out as the pain in his chest only got bigger. Ever since Starcourt his lungs were never the same, and soon he was chasing for an air that wasn’t coming. He trashed, cried and suffered until the morning came. He waited the whole night for Steve to come, to knock on his door and say sorry, say it was a mistake, say they were fine. 

Hours passed and Steve didn’t show up, every passing second he felt the reality coming to him. Steve didn’t love him, he had never said it and never really shown it. 

It finally hit him, like a tsunami wave. Steve wouldn’t come back; he was the one that always would call Steve, he was the one ran after, that tried to save whatever they both had. Lately that had been a distance between them, Steve wouldn’t tell him things no more, he would only give Billy short answers. 

“ _ Hey, baby. How was your day?”  _ Billy would ask in a cheerful voice, the best he could do. 

“ _ Fine. Just busy.”  _ Was all he received. 

Now Billy was lying on his bed, trying to think what he had done wrong, what he had said that drove Steve so far away from him. Billy’s love knew every single move of Steve, could read single look that Steve would only give to him, and because of that he knew pretty well that he had lost the war. 

Billy had been living with crumbs of what they once were, trying to remember how it was in the beginning, the excitement of discovering new things, new sensations and feelings. Looking at it now, Billy thinks he saw Steve kissing him once with his eyes open. 

Even after all this, he wanted Steve to burst through the door, to come in and say that he was sorry, that he would love Billy better, that he would love him right. That what they had wasn’t a mistake, it was something that they both wanted. He kept looking to the door, but Steve never came. 

It was 9 p.m., the night had fallen in Hawkings and Billy was still in bed, thoughts all over the place, when there was a knock on the door. His heart was beating so loud, so strong on his chest that he thought he would die, his whole body was trembling, because he knew too well that it was the end. 

When he opened the door, Steve was there. His hazel eyes were there, his head was down and he had a hand at the wall beside him, Billy thinks he saw Steve flinch when he opened the door. 

Without saying a word, Billy left the door open and made his way to the couch, sitting on it and watching as Steve followed him. The boy looked tired and defeated and Billy couldn’t shake the feeling that he was right, they were done. 

They sat beside each other on the couch, and it felt like there was miles of distance between them. Steve didn’t take his eyes from the floor and Billy couldn’t keep his eyes off the wall in front of him. 

“I guess-” Steve said after he took a long breath. The words came out wrong, it didn’t sound like the voice Billy knew so well, it was filled with sadness, resent, and something else the blonde couldn’t put his fingers on.

“Can we just give it a minute before we admit it?” Was all Billy could say, and he saw as Steve looked at him and nodded before his eyes fell back on the floor, hanging his head low. 

“I really like you. I really do.” Steve's hoarse voice filled Billy’s ears at the same moment his eyes filled with tears. He even thought about hiding them, but what was the point? 

“You just don’t love me.” He completed the sentence Steve left. 

He felt his heart shattering when Steve nodded. 

Silence filled the room and Steve really wanted for Billy to yell, to curse, to punch him and throw him out, for Billy to do anything but to stay on the couch in silence. Anything was better than it. He hated it, even more now that it was screaming the truth. 

“I kissed Sarah at the party last night.” Steve admitted and at the moment the words came out of his mouth he wanted to take them back, because it looked like if he had stabbed Billy it would’ve hurt him less. 

“Just like Nancy Wheeler.” Billy said above a whisper. 

Steve didn’t know if this was meant to hurt him or if his boyfriend, ex-now, was just stating a fact. Steve had done the same thing Nancy that had done to him, it was the truth, but-

“Billy, I really hope you understand that I was happy with you. What he had, it wasn’t bullshit. It was real, I don’t regret a second that I spent with you, we just-” He tried to make sense of what had happened between them. They were happy, that was true, but “we just grew apart.” 

Billy tears were falling non-stop now. He remembered how when he kissed Steve lately there was no emotion, how much they were fighting about the smallest and stupids things, how the sex was being so bad, like they were both obliged to it. Billy remembered the last time, how Steve had just stood there when he was doing all the work, how Steve’s eyes showed no emotion and when they were done, Steve had dressed himself and sat on the bed, looking far away. Billy had hugged him and Steve assured him that he was just thinking. 

A gasp almost escaped Billy when the memory was over. 

“You deserve better than that. Better than what I have to offer you.” Steve tried to reassure him, knowing it was useless right now. 

“I really wanted you to be the one.” Billy said and their eyes met for the first time ever since they started this whole conversation.

“I’m so sorry.” Steve sighed. 

Billy looked at Steve for a while, memorizing his face, his details as this could be the last time he saw him like this, in the dim light of his living room, sitting on the couch they had shared so many memories in, vulnerable and looking honestly sorry. 

“I guess I should go.” Steve got up and didn’t wait for Billy to follow him towards the door, before he opened it to leave, he gave the apartment one last look, letting out a heavy sigh. “Bye, Billy.” 

The sound of the door closing was the last memory Steve gave to Billy. 


End file.
